hapi but 0s0 m00dy~

wake up early t0day,
g0 f0r c0llege just t0 attend 2 h0ur class,
11-12pm,
afterthat break f0r 4 h0ur bef0re the next class,
s0 shit,
d0nt kn0w why,
i feel like i cant c0mmunicate 0r be cl0se friend with any girl,
0ur thinking n0t same,
0ur pass n0t same,
0ur family backgr0und n0t same,
is t0tally different,
i feel suffer t0 hang up with girl,
like will keep 0n arguing 0r what,
s0 i m0re prefer t0 hang up with b0y,
i feel m0re c0mf0rtable,
i can be my 0wnself,
i can say what i want,
i n0 need t0 pretend,
i n0 need t0 scare that what i say isit will make them feel ann0ying,
s0metimes i hate c0llege life!!!

thanks kreuze f0r fetching me and my cute eldest sister back t0day,
g0 eat steamb0t wif them f0r my dinner,
haha,
c0z jas0n l0r,
suddenly say want eat 0rh,
s0 we just straight away say t0day l0r,
i feel hapi t0day,
hang up with jas0n and kreuze,
they are s0 funny,
make me keep 0n laughing,
with them i feel s0 warm,
alth0ugh they n0t really understand me well,
but at least i v0n feel unc0mf0rtable,
thanks~

aiz,
just back h0me then hear m0m and dad arguing,
why,
why keep 0n argue bec0z 0f that pers0n,
why m0m u cant think f0r dad,
why y0u can't think that if y0u were in dad sh0es,
and put y0urself in dad's p0siti0n,
what's the resp0nse 0f y0u?
why,
why y0u want pr0tect him,
we didn't 0we him anything,
we are relative,
but this n0t means that he can s0 irresp0nsible,
but why can't y0u understand dad?
he w0rk s0 hard just t0 earn m0ney f0r us,
f0r us t0 study,
t0 pr0vide us a g00d environment t0 live,
just t0 give the best things he can give t0 us,
i feel s0 t0uch and welfare that he is my daddy,
he is a g00d and resp0nsible dad,
i l0ve him s0 much,
but why can't y0u feel it~

pers0nality,
he is y0ur br0ther,
but at 0ther side,
he is w0rker which employee by dad,
dad just c0me back fr0m kelantan,
drive 6 h0ur t0 c0me back a,
is s0 tired,
but just reach h0me n0t m0re than 1 h0ur then need g0 f0r w0rk again,
why,
just because y0ur br0ther,
din g0 f0r work s0 dad need g0 by his 0wn,
dad just querim0ny a few w0rd,
then y0u sc0ld him and say th0se rubbish things,
why,
i hate it!!!!!

my m00d suddenly dr0p d0wn,
if can ch00se,
i will ch00se t0 g0 back the time when i'm n0t live at here,
rich 0r n0t is n0t the main p0int f0r me,
i wan a warm and l0vely family,
but n0t a family that keep 0n arguing!!!

我想躲在角落哭泣,
我想放声的哭,
只可惜我好像没有泪水了,
我不需要富裕的家庭,
我不需要什么物质上的享受,
我真的可以什么都不要,
我只想回到过去那个没有太多争吵的时候,
我想要的不多,
就只是个温暖的家,
难道我的要求太过分了吗,
我要的不是短暂的温暖,
我希望一直都那么温暖,
我知道偶尔一点争吵是避免不了的,
但最近争吵越来越频繁了,
为什么,
难道这就是生活,
难道这就是生态,
我不要!!!!

爸,
我知道你凡事都会为我们着想,
我知道你有的不多,
却只想把最好的都给我们,
我知道我曾经让你很失望,
让你气的说不要我这个女儿了,
我知道当时的你一定很心痛,
我知道过去的我做了太多让你失望的事,
但爸,
相信我,
我一定会乖,
一定会把书读好,
因为这是我唯一能做的,
谢谢你~

妈,
我不是不乖,
也不是学坏,
我知道你不放心我,
我知道因为以前的事让你对我失去了信心,
我知道你不想我和男子靠的太近,
但妈,
他们只是我的朋友,
我和他们没什么,
而且我会想了,
我不再是以前那个我,
我做什么之前都会顾虑到后果,
我知道以前的我让你心碎了很多次,
但妈,
现在的我会照顾自己了,
相信我好吗,
我在学习着独立~

爸,
妈,
别吵架了好吗,
我不喜欢,
我要开开心心的家庭,
我爱你们~